Shawna Cross Contemporary Fine Artist

In the spirit of "All Thing Amorous", I offer one of my favorite and most frequently mulled over passages from a biography of Elaine and Bill de Kooning. I picked the book up when I was still in college and from the moment I opened it it had a profound impact on my outlook and the structure of my vision for the future. I still pick it up every few days to re-read certain sections as they become relevant to my current life. I have a long list of people who inspire me in the arts-most especially women-and Elaine de Kooning has long been reigning somewhere in the top. Yes, the woman was a hot mess for a while, but I'm just going to go ahead and say that middle age is rough for everyone, so let's not get giddy about it. Let it be known that Elaine was not merely the wife of Bill, nor was she just some muse or submissive assistant. No, she was a strong, motivated, eager artist in her own right with an incredible depth of intellect, a bold, unfiltered personality and a mind and agenda of her own. Hell, the woman didn't even know how (nor was she interested in learning how) to be a wife in the way her time defined the roll. But, Elaine knew how to be a friend, she knew what it took to be an artist, she knew how to love with courage, and knew what was needed to maintain her unconventional lifestyle and relationships. She also knew the art of promotion and networking before there were titles for such roles...let's just say she had flair. She and Bill didn't have a faithful marriage, which more or less worked for both of them, but that doesn't mean their loyalty to each other was any less deep, for it was truly profound. Both had incredibly ravenous sexual appetites and Elaine was insatiable in her curiosity about people in general. But, both were dedicated to their own and each other's art and human spirit first and foremost. In fact, Elaine's affairs always had a way of constantly benefiting Bill, as she made sure her own convictions of his divine brilliance were known to everyone she encountered. She was the best PR he ever could have asked for, and if not for her I'm not sure any of us would know who Willem de Kooning is. Among other things, her affair with critics Harold Rosenberg and Tom Hess led to the career-changing reviews of his work, landing him the title of "The King of Art", and her affair with Charlie Egan led to his first solo show in Egan's gallery, which gave him public acclaim and recognition for the first time, making him-them, really-the "darlings" of the art world. 
Like I said, Elaine and Bill, separately and as husband and wife, held unconventional relationships. Society can judge or fear this relationship, it's a personal decision, but what can most certainly be taken out of it is the concise knowledge and understanding each had of themselves as individuals and of each other. Love is many, many things, and we can try really hard to wrap it up in security if that makes us feel safe, but personally I find that a little unrealistic and inevitably disappointing. Because what is security? Safety? Love is probably the most unsafe adventure and encounter anyone will ever embark upon. It's scary! It's like letting someone else in your cockpit and hoping like hell they know how not to crash this plane you've been flying, but you're going to let them take the wheel anyway-because flying with them in the next seat just became way better than flying solo, because we all have only so much we can offer ourselves. Love is abandon...it's saying, "okay, let's do this together, because together is better, let's go", and we have to trust and be trustworthy. Trust each other, and that each has their best intentions for the other at heart. There are no rules, but, if there is someone we care about-enough to want to understand them, learn about their personal needs and offerings, someone who makes and allows us to step outside of ourselves-then every relationship can find some unique guidelines that will surely allow each to be inspired and bettered by the insane and beautiful force that love brings. To each their own, and I hope that everyone can at some point enjoy the abandon while not losing themself, but rather flourish in the opportunity to positively build upon who they already are. Here are Elaine's thoughts:

"'I am argumentative in terms of painting. I think any artist argues with himself, with his tools, with the process of painting. The very act of picking up a brush-let's say, if the brush is your tool-is an argumentative act, because you're putting yourself in conflict with what's gone before. You're competing. You're saying, I have something to add. And from the beginning, I had that feeling, and Bill had that feeling, too. I think we encouraged each other.'

Drawing deeply on a cigarette and exhaling, she added, 'I feel that love is important, too. Especially for young artists. I feel that for young artists, to love something, to not just say, well, I'm interested in my own identity-I feel that's important. I don't think anyone can become an artist without having a sense of passion towards another artist. I had that passion about Bill-about Bill as an artist as well as Bill as a human being.' 

But, Elaine knew, while one individual's passion might lead to submission, another's led to opposition-'another kind of argumentativeness. After the initial passion, later on, one becomes so involved with one's own imagery that another artist's presence seems intrusive. I mean presence in one's mind as well as in one's spaces.' But, she reiterated, 'any great artist has come out of his passion for other artists. Cezanne with his passion for Poussin. Or Rodin with his passion for Michelangelo. Gorky with his passion for Picasso, Kandinsky, and Miro. And then, usually, what one is involved with is the passion for a good many other artists. This feeling of emotion-it's not just an intellectual response, but an emotional one-that's what counts, sets the tone, what keeps an artist going when everything is bleak. Remembering these things, keeping them in your mind, that's an artist's work.'"

NEWS, news. Borough's new website isn't 100% complete, but it's tidy enough for you to check out. Meet our resident noise-makers, check out our neighbors and explore our archives. 

Our entire building has been going through a change of dynamics lately: Borough has new faces and new energy, and 180 has a new flock of inspired artists and businesses as well. All of the commotion has caused everyone to come together in a new and exhilarating way, and everyone knows that unity around a common interest creates an amazing force. We're in the midst of scraping together a skeleton for a building-wide exhibition that will not only highlight the South End's phenomenal impact and influence on our area's artistic scene, but also expose the cultural smorgasbord of raw dedication, motivation, inspiration and joy that is the make up of the emerging art scene. Once we have a foundation laid down I'm going to be on the look out for an intern at Borough, so stay tuned!

I ALWAYS have my best thought when I'm driving from "here" to "there", so I love these chunks of time (in general, most of my "here to there time" is about 45 minutes long) but it also annoys the hell out of me. I wish I could be my own passenger so I could document these moving thoughts and ideas free of disruption. Not possible, though, so I'm always either scribbling blindly in a moleskine-wasting lots of paper, pulling over in some sketchy rest stop, or rushing to my destination, roaring through the door to unload all my stuff and get to my pens as fast as possible before the moment fades. It's never the same, though. Never the same as that initial, organic experience of the thoughts and vision combined with the blur of moving landscapes. I'm sure I'm not alone in this.

This experience, however, is so perfectly mirrored in my actual painting process. When I'm painting I'm moving around like crazy-not just pacing around the studio, no-but movement when putting paint on canvas is wildly important to me. Without action, nothing happens for me, my mind becomes stagnant, too. This is why I prefer large canvas that's somewhere around my height and arm length: the physicality of moving my entire body up and down to make a single palette knife smear, reaching further than one arm can extend to blur a line...my mind comes alive and I'm pulled into my inner world when I'm able to incorporate my body's action and lines into my body of work. It's the energy...it's the energy that makes the paintings come to life. They become completely intuitive, response based, aggressive, joyful and reflective of my immediate psyche when presented with certain thoughts and emotions. Essentially, I'm able to hash through things in a direct way that's not always easy for my in my life outside my painting time. 

So satisfying. Always. Like breathing again after not realizing I've been holding my breath. 

CROSSING barriers, transcending limitations, rising to the occasion, placing your fears and insecurities out in the open, staying present and maintaining awareness all while following your heart; it's what makes a person feel alive. As this new year hits, I've made the promise to myself that I won't forget what's best for me, no matter the opposition, and keep a firm hold on the reality of what's important to me while staying open to the possibility of the unknown. 

Clear statements of intent, desire, pain and honesty are not only sexy, they're so liberating in spite of the initial fear. It's scary as hell to open yourself to vulnerability or criticism, the possibility of disappointment or pain. But, knowing you brought yourself to that level - opened the field to reality and not just hope, projections or independent ideas - is so satisfying, so self affirming. We can't always get what we want, no, but we can know that we're trying. Aren't we all just a work in progress anyway? As a young person, I know that my desires change, my goals change, my priorities change and every now and then I have a change of heart. It's healthy. It's curiosity. It's passion. You don't have to agree. 

This all stems from an article I recently read, an interview with John Currin where he stated that the most important development he ever made was realizing that you just need to follow your pleasure, at least as a painter. That's what any kind of artist needs to do, no matter what they're doing, and a quote from William Faulkner: “The writer’s only responsibility is to his art. He will be completely ruthless if he is a good one. He has a dream. It anguishes him so much he must get rid of it. He has no peace until then. Everything goes by the board: honor, pride, decency, security, happiness, all, to get the book written.”


Mull it over. Can't both of these statements bridge the gap between the studio and outside life? Uh, yeah. They're both saying live your life by your own guidelines, by what's best for you. We all know what's important to us as individuals, we all know what we can do in good conscience and what we'll hate ourselves for. We know where our moral compass points, what makes us feel happy and what burns our heart to a level that we must find some sort of extinguisher or risk an outbreak of fever. Everyone craves and desires a different ideal - for some it's security, for some it's stability, freedom, kindness or aggression, importance or commitment. Sometimes it's all of the above. Personally, I place understanding above all. Understanding requires depth of thought, and caring enough to be curious in the first place, wanting to be on the same page so you can go forward in honesty. That's just me. 

This past summer I had a revelation that blew my mind, had me tied up for a week, that may be so simple and obvious to some, but was the development I'd been waiting to have all of my mature adult life: I learned and finally understood how to love, and not just fumble around with it. It's not something you can hold, no, it's not something you can hand over or grasp. Real love isn't even about just giving. Love, in reality, is about the ability to receive, being open. Much in the way that oxytocin takes over and inhibits fears, anxiety and insecurities so one can become fully engaged in pleasure and let go to achieve orgasm, love is about (apologies for the cheesy analogy) being an open glass that merely receives and pours at the same time, does not aspire to grab or merely focus on extending. I feel like the world opens up when as a person we can maintain an open mind and an open heart. If we always follow our heart, speak from our heart, we can trust our own actions and desires, and it allows others to trust us as well. 

So, with this in mind, I bid you all a happy artistic experience, with artistic intent that drives you mad, brings you to and above your limits, keeps you peaceful and secure, and allows you to love and trust your own abilities. We can all change our minds and change our course at any time, so don't lose faith in yourself or your ambitions. Be open to your art, be open to your life, and just enjoy what you have for what it is, knowing that anything in the entire world is possible so it's less important to focus on a single outcome and more important to take pleasure in the process, the experience, the progress-the living part of life. It's mysterious state of being that's shockingly straight forward and sincere. Transcend your limitations, and become familiar with your own boundaries - follow your own pleasure. 

COLLABORATIONS. I'm all about them, and I've been really, really into them this past year. Unfortunately, although the outcome has been amazingly fortunate, since June started I've somehow given all of my time away and most of the collaborations I've been interested in haven't moved past the "inspired idea" stage. This drives me crazy. This makes me cranky. This makes me restless. 

Enter January 2011. Quiet time. STUDIO TIME. Full blown, mostly uninterrupted, studio. time. I'm kicking it off with the beginnings of a sound installation, something I've been interested in for a very long time now, with Matt Mayer of A Snake in the Garden and NNA Tapes, a fellow 180 resident. The collaboration is a match made in abstract heaven, as our work runs along parallel conceptual paths: My work is and always has been about manipulating colors/textures/application to evoke emotions that create some kind of inner noise, and Matt's is about "manipulating sound and sonic texture (more specifically from found metal) in a cathartic and primitive way in order to convey emotion/feeling without any direct reference or representation.. and attempting to communicate thought/emotion that cannot be communicated in any other way". I'm so excited to see where we can go with this and which direction we push it in. I've been obsessed, obsessed, with the idea of erasing and destructing memories and their attached emotions, tearing them into nonrepresentational still frames that exist on their own and can create new paths, so maybe this is the perfect opportunity for the concept to be recognized. Here's a video of one of Matt's shows at his 180 studio:

OTHER and equally exciting collaborations include the creation of a new book with my studio mate Haley Bishop (finally!), whose work also revolves around the importance of memory,

a new Borough show revolving around the idea of storytelling that includes artists such as Rich Pellegrino, Eric Reinemann, Jessica Deahl, Cameron Schmitz, Borough residents Haley Bishop and Stephen Orloske, and hopefully Isaac Pelepko, among others (all images courtesy of respective artists),

and proposed exhibition ideas with fellow painters Ian Burcroff and James Juron over in New York. 

And, finally, if we can ever get it together, my most beloved and amazing friend Phil Hardy, who I'm already working on a children's book with, and I have been talking about a really conceptual installation for months now, one that wraps together the abstract sublime and dadaism. So, maybe in this year of collaborations, we'll eventually make it happen. 

I'd say this is enough to look forward to, and I'm excited and preparing to kick off 2011. It's ambitious, and I'm excited to see which direction all of the above Not that the rest of December isn't enough to look forward to as it is, because I definitely have amazing things coming up: two of my most loved friends are coming in to Vermont from Norway and Africa next week (ahhh!!!!). Can't wait to start these collaborations, and I can't wait to see where they all go.