Elaine and Bill de Kooning, 1952
In the spirit of "All Thing Amorous", I offer one of my favorite and most frequently mulled over passages from a biography of Elaine and Bill de Kooning. I picked the book up when I was still in college and from the moment I opened it it had a profound impact on my outlook and the structure of my vision for the future. I still pick it up every few days to re-read certain sections as they become relevant to my current life. I have a long list of people who inspire me in the arts-most especially women-and Elaine de Kooning has long been reigning somewhere in the top. Yes, the woman was a hot mess for a while, but I'm just going to go ahead and say that middle age is rough for everyone, so let's not get giddy about it. Let it be known that Elaine was not merely the wife of Bill, nor was she just some muse or submissive assistant. No, she was a strong, motivated, eager artist in her own right with an incredible depth of intellect, a bold, unfiltered personality and a mind and agenda of her own. Hell, the woman didn't even know how (nor was she interested in learning how) to be a wife in the way her time defined the roll. But, Elaine knew how to be a friend, she knew what it took to be an artist, she knew how to love with courage, and knew what was needed to maintain her unconventional lifestyle and relationships. She also knew the art of promotion and networking before there were titles for such roles...let's just say she had flair. She and Bill didn't have a faithful marriage, which more or less worked for both of them, but that doesn't mean their loyalty to each other was any less deep, for it was truly profound. Both had incredibly ravenous sexual appetites and Elaine was insatiable in her curiosity about people in general. But, both were dedicated to their own and each other's art and human spirit first and foremost. In fact, Elaine's affairs always had a way of constantly benefiting Bill, as she made sure her own convictions of his divine brilliance were known to everyone she encountered. She was the best PR he ever could have asked for, and if not for her I'm not sure any of us would know who Willem de Kooning is. Among other things, her affair with critics Harold Rosenberg and Tom Hess led to the career-changing reviews of his work, landing him the title of "The King of Art", and her affair with Charlie Egan led to his first solo show in Egan's gallery, which gave him public acclaim and recognition for the first time, making him-them, really-the "darlings" of the art world.
Like I said, Elaine and Bill, separately and as husband and wife, held unconventional relationships. Society can judge or fear this relationship, it's a personal decision, but what can most certainly be taken out of it is the concise knowledge and understanding each had of themselves as individuals and of each other. Love is many, many things, and we can try really hard to wrap it up in security if that makes us feel safe, but personally I find that a little unrealistic and inevitably disappointing. Because what is security? Safety? Love is probably the most unsafe adventure and encounter anyone will ever embark upon. It's scary! It's like letting someone else in your cockpit and hoping like hell they know how not to crash this plane you've been flying, but you're going to let them take the wheel anyway-because flying with them in the next seat just became way better than flying solo, because we all have only so much we can offer ourselves. Love is abandon...it's saying, "okay, let's do this together, because together is better, let's go", and we have to trust and be trustworthy. Trust each other, and that each has their best intentions for the other at heart. There are no rules, but, if there is someone we care about-enough to want to understand them, learn about their personal needs and offerings, someone who makes and allows us to step outside of ourselves-then every relationship can find some unique guidelines that will surely allow each to be inspired and bettered by the insane and beautiful force that love brings. To each their own, and I hope that everyone can at some point enjoy the abandon while not losing themself, but rather flourish in the opportunity to positively build upon who they already are. Here are Elaine's thoughts:
Like I said, Elaine and Bill, separately and as husband and wife, held unconventional relationships. Society can judge or fear this relationship, it's a personal decision, but what can most certainly be taken out of it is the concise knowledge and understanding each had of themselves as individuals and of each other. Love is many, many things, and we can try really hard to wrap it up in security if that makes us feel safe, but personally I find that a little unrealistic and inevitably disappointing. Because what is security? Safety? Love is probably the most unsafe adventure and encounter anyone will ever embark upon. It's scary! It's like letting someone else in your cockpit and hoping like hell they know how not to crash this plane you've been flying, but you're going to let them take the wheel anyway-because flying with them in the next seat just became way better than flying solo, because we all have only so much we can offer ourselves. Love is abandon...it's saying, "okay, let's do this together, because together is better, let's go", and we have to trust and be trustworthy. Trust each other, and that each has their best intentions for the other at heart. There are no rules, but, if there is someone we care about-enough to want to understand them, learn about their personal needs and offerings, someone who makes and allows us to step outside of ourselves-then every relationship can find some unique guidelines that will surely allow each to be inspired and bettered by the insane and beautiful force that love brings. To each their own, and I hope that everyone can at some point enjoy the abandon while not losing themself, but rather flourish in the opportunity to positively build upon who they already are. Here are Elaine's thoughts:
a portrait of Tom Hess, painted by Elaine.
"'I am argumentative in terms of painting. I think any artist argues with himself, with his tools, with the process of painting. The very act of picking up a brush-let's say, if the brush is your tool-is an argumentative act, because you're putting yourself in conflict with what's gone before. You're competing. You're saying, I have something to add. And from the beginning, I had that feeling, and Bill had that feeling, too. I think we encouraged each other.'
Drawing deeply on a cigarette and exhaling, she added, 'I feel that love is important, too. Especially for young artists. I feel that for young artists, to love something, to not just say, well, I'm interested in my own identity-I feel that's important. I don't think anyone can become an artist without having a sense of passion towards another artist. I had that passion about Bill-about Bill as an artist as well as Bill as a human being.'
But, Elaine knew, while one individual's passion might lead to submission, another's led to opposition-'another kind of argumentativeness. After the initial passion, later on, one becomes so involved with one's own imagery that another artist's presence seems intrusive. I mean presence in one's mind as well as in one's spaces.' But, she reiterated, 'any great artist has come out of his passion for other artists. Cezanne with his passion for Poussin. Or Rodin with his passion for Michelangelo. Gorky with his passion for Picasso, Kandinsky, and Miro. And then, usually, what one is involved with is the passion for a good many other artists. This feeling of emotion-it's not just an intellectual response, but an emotional one-that's what counts, sets the tone, what keeps an artist going when everything is bleak. Remembering these things, keeping them in your mind, that's an artist's work.'"
Drawing deeply on a cigarette and exhaling, she added, 'I feel that love is important, too. Especially for young artists. I feel that for young artists, to love something, to not just say, well, I'm interested in my own identity-I feel that's important. I don't think anyone can become an artist without having a sense of passion towards another artist. I had that passion about Bill-about Bill as an artist as well as Bill as a human being.'
But, Elaine knew, while one individual's passion might lead to submission, another's led to opposition-'another kind of argumentativeness. After the initial passion, later on, one becomes so involved with one's own imagery that another artist's presence seems intrusive. I mean presence in one's mind as well as in one's spaces.' But, she reiterated, 'any great artist has come out of his passion for other artists. Cezanne with his passion for Poussin. Or Rodin with his passion for Michelangelo. Gorky with his passion for Picasso, Kandinsky, and Miro. And then, usually, what one is involved with is the passion for a good many other artists. This feeling of emotion-it's not just an intellectual response, but an emotional one-that's what counts, sets the tone, what keeps an artist going when everything is bleak. Remembering these things, keeping them in your mind, that's an artist's work.'"
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